If this is your first holiday season after divorce, give yourself a round of applause. Perhaps it has not been easy, but you are getting through it. Now that the new year is right around the corner, it is a good time for some self-reflection and introspection. 

We often get so caught up with the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we forget to stop and reflect on our actions, behavior, and goals. The start of a new year gives us that chance, and after a divorce, it can be especially helpful. 

Even if you would rather never speak or look at your ex-spouse again, when you have children, the reality is you must. When you get a divorce, your marriage ends, but the relationship with your children does not, and you now face the unique challenge of co-parenting together.

Co-parenting can cause some uncomfortable situations for you and your ex early on, but done right, it can greatly benefit your children. It may be difficult and sometimes feel impossible, but effective co-parenting is the best thing you can do for your child after a divorce. 

Here are four ways to be a successful co-parent:

If you are getting divorced, you know the confusion and uncertainty it can bring. One of the most common questions people getting a divorce ask is, “What happens to my children?” While this is a legitimate and important question, there is no simple answer. Just because you are getting a divorce from your spouse does not mean that your--or their--relationship with your children ends. You may not be married forever, but you will be a parent for life. You and your spouse may be in agreement about the legal and physical custody of your children, or you might have different ideas of what should happen.

Resolving Custody Issues Through Mediation

Wisconsin courts strongly believe that parents should try their best to settle any custody disagreements on their own. When parents make their own decisions about custody, they are more likely to stick to their decisions. If parents are not able to come to an agreement, Wisconsin courts may require them to attend at least one session of mediation to help them resolve any outstanding issues. If the spouses are unable to reach an agreement through mediation, then the parents will need to file a parenting plan with the court within 60 days. 

Elements of Wisconsin Parenting Plans

In Wisconsin, the person who is petitioning for sole or joint custody of the child must file a parenting plan with the court. If the other parent does not also file a parenting plan within 60 days, they waive their right to object to the parenting plan. A parenting plan filed with the court should contain the following elements:

A document that outlines all parental duties is known as a parenting plan. When a couple with children decides to file for divorce, it is each parent’s responsibility to file a proposed parenting plan asking the court to make decisions about the legal custody and physical placement of their children. In the event that both parents completely agree on these issues, one plan may be filed, but in many cases, each parent will file their own proposed plan. Below is some more information on how parenting plans work in Wisconsin:

Who Decides On a Parenting Plan?

In the ideal situation, both parents are involved in a child’s life. However, if your divorce is the result of abuse, domestic violence, or another dangerous issue, you may prefer to handle all parental duties on your own, and you may ask the court to grant you sole custody of your children. If you do wish to share these duties, you will need to work with your ex-spouse to create a parenting plan that you both agree on.

Even though you and your child’s other parent are highly encouraged to come up with an agreed plan, any proposed parenting plan will need to be approved by the court. If your plan protects your child’s best interests, it will likely be approved by a judge. In the event that you and your child’s other parent do not create a plan or cannot agree on certain issues, the court may make decisions on your behalf.

A divorce can significantly increase your stress levels. Along with the emotional distress that comes with ending your marriage, you are likely to face anxiety as you deal with the legal issues that must be resolved and the complications of embarking on your newly-single life. If you are going through the divorce process, it is important to take care of yourself and do whatever you can to control your stress. Here are six tips to help you manage your emotional struggles during your divorce:

1. Let Go of Negative Feelings

Although it is easier said than done, letting go of negative feelings is a must. Figure out what you are feeling and take the time to think about how you can work through your sadness, anger, or other negative emotions. By working through and letting go of negative feelings, you can make room for positive ones.